Understanding What Grief Is

What is grief?

By definition, grief is a person’s natural response to loss. It is an intense pain that we experience usually after a loved one passes away.

People can also grieve over:

• • An end of a marriage or relationship
  • An end of a friendship
  • Losing a pet
  • Losing your home
  • Loss of financial stability
  • Losing your dream or goal
  • A loved one diagnosed of a terminal or progressive illness
  • Miscarriage
  • Being infertile

You may also grieve for yourself if you’ve been diagnosed with a terminal illness or when you’re faced with preparing for you own passing.

What does grief feel like?

Grief is a highly personal journey, which will be different for everyone. There are also several types of grief, which have different grief symptoms.

In general, grief commonly presents as deep or intense sadness. Grief can affect someone’s physical and mental health.

Below are some examples of the effects of grief on your mind and body.

Physical effects:

• • Decrease or increase in appetite
  • Fatigue or feeling tired
  • Lack of energy
  • Headaches
  • Stomach pain
  • Difficulty sleeping or sleeping more than usual
  • Chest pain
  • Lowered immune system

Effects on mental health:

• • Confusion
  • Shock
  • Anger
  • Guilt
  • Disbelief or denial
  • Difficulty concentrating
  • Forgetfulness
  • Hopelessness
  • Numbness
  • Feeling unmotivated
  • Anxiety
  • Depression
  • Thoughts of self-harm

How can I manage my grief?

Grief is something that needs to be expressed, and not avoided or suppressed. One of the best ways to cope with grief is through expressing it in ways that feel comfortable for you.

Allow yourself to mourn

You might have read or heard that grieving is different from mourning. Grief is someone’s internal feelings after a loss, while mourning is the outward expression of those feelings.

Express yourself creatively

Creative activities can help you process, express, and manage your grief.

You can try drawing or painting. There are a lot of art classes for beginners using different kinds of medium, from pencils, to watercolor, and even coffee beans.

You can learn to play and instrument, or maybe even write music, if that’s something you’re inclined to.

Writing is something that can help you express your grief outwardly. As writing involves a lot of emotions, it can help you process your feelings of grief.

There are different forms of writing you can take yourself on, like poetry, short stories, and journaling.

Participating in creative activities might actually give you a renewed sense of joy. You can turn these occasional activities into regular hobbies.

Connect with people

This might be overwhelming if your loss is fresh, but you can slowly ease into being social again. You can start by going out for coffee with your best friend or a close sibling.

Talking about what you feel in general can help you process your grief. Talking about your loved one is a good way to stay connected to them even after their death.

Having a support system of friends and family who understand and care for you would be a great help as you navigate your way through grief.

Practice self-care

It’s easy to get lost in funeral arrangements, and settling practical and legal matters after a loved one dies.  It is important to take care of yourself, though.

As grief can affect you physically, you need to try to maintain a healthy diet, and hydrate. Exercise and movement in general can benefit you physically.

It might be difficult to both feel your feelings and pause to take a break, but you should also prioritize your mental health. This can be as simple as taking a leisurely stroll or reading a book. If you’re up for it, you can a take a vacation even for just a day or two.  

Seek support

If you think that your grief is too much to bear, and all other tools you’ve tried didn’t work, it would be good to seek professional support.

Try to look for support groups in your area or online. There might be available support groups within your local church or nearby hospitals.

You may also talk to a mental health professional specializing in grief, like a grief coach or a licensed therapist.

If a face-to-face therapy is not something accessible or applicable to you, some grief coaches and therapists also do online counseling.

Here are some of our recommended support group and grief coaches:

Grief support for people in their 20s & 30s who have lost a parent

Christian-based online & offline support group

Grief support group for bereaved parents by theAsianparent PH

Monica Vera
Instagram: @surviving_sunsets
survivingsunsets@gmail.com

Cathy Sanchez Babao
goodgriefph@gmail.com
https://www.facebook.com/cathybabao

Zarah Hernaez
Instagram: @thewellnestph @zeeheehee
https://www.facebook.com/TheWellnestPH

Will my grief end?

There is a common misconception that grief goes follows linear path through stages, and once you’ve reached the final stage, that’s it. The pain is gone. The grief is done.

The truth is, grief is not linear and there are no stages. You can go back and forth with different feelings.

There will be waves of grief, sometimes varying in intensity. There will be grief triggers, sometimes when you least expect it.

Grief will be with you; it stays with you. You can grow around it as you cope and adjust to your new reality, but it will always be there.

When you love someone, you don’t forget them even when they’re gone. You will miss them, you will wish they were with you especially during milestones of your life.

It is said that grief is the price we pay for love. That is true.

What’s also true is, love is what will always connect you to them even after many years have passed. It’s that love that keeps their memory alive. 

Images credit to pexels.com