Grief is a deeply personal experience that is not the same for everyone. Each of us will have a different grief journey with our own triggers and coping mechanisms. It would be beneficial to understand how grief could possibly manifest in you or in the people you love. This would hopefully help you go through grief in a healthy and productive way.
Uncomplicated or Normal Grief
“Normal” is not the word we would associate with grief. Nothing is normal after a loved one’s death. Your world inevitably changes. There are, however, some typical emotions that a lot of the bereaved experience, such as anger, guilt, numbness, fear, and sorrow. Some would experience physical pain, such as weakness, upset stomach, and headaches. Some may also experience confusion and inability to concentrate. Others may have changes in behavior, like decreased performance in work, crying a lot, overreacting to certain things.
While there is no “right” timeline for grief, people experiencing uncomplicated grief may intensely feel the emotional, physical, and cognitive symptoms for around six months, then slowly ease into these feelings. The intensity of the emotions and physical symptoms lessen. They gradually accept the loss of their loved one and begin to move forward.
Complicated Grief
This is somewhat the opposite of uncomplicated grief, in the sense that they experience the intensity of grief far longer and more severely. It could be years, and their grief symptoms do not lessen. For them, life doesn’t “get better.”
This type of grief is challenging for the bereaved to accept the loss. People experiencing this may have a difficult time recovering or resuming their own lives. Factors that may contribute to someone developing complicated grief include lack of a support system, unexpected or traumatic deaths, and death of a child. One might require professional help, depending on how severe the symptoms are.
Subtypes of complicated grief:
- Chronic Grief – This involves typical or normal grief reactions, which do not subside, and often continue for long periods of time.
- Delayed Grief – This happens when a person does not react to the loss right away. The grief reactions can be postponed or delayed for months or even years after the loss.
- Exaggerated Grief – The grieving person experiences more intense reactions compared to what you may typically see during grief. These reactions may include nightmares, self-destructive behaviors, and thoughts of self-harm.
- Masked or Silent Grief – This happens when someone tries to hide or mask their feelings of grief.
Anticipatory Grief
This type of grief happens even before death as you are already foreseeing the loss. This usually happens when someone you love passes away due to a terminal or chronic illness, like cancer. The family members would often envision their lives without their sick loved ones. They may experience the grieving process as early as the diagnosis of the illness.
Anticipatory grief also happens to caregivers as they usually witness the person’s dying process.
Disenfranchised Grief
It is grief over any loss that is not socially recognized or acknowledged. Those who experience this do not feel free to express their grief. Sadly, their loss is not recognized as much or judged as less significant.
Disenfranchised grief is common to pet owners. They grieve as deeply, but they lack emotional support.
Cumulative Grief
This happens when the loss piles up and the grief accumulates, making it intensely overwhelming for the bereaved.
This usually happens when someone experiences several losses over time. It often happens when the person hasn’t fully processed the loss of a loved one, then another loved one passes away shortly after.
Cumulative grief is common in health workers, first responders, and military personnel because of the multiple losses they often experience.
Traumatic Grief
This grief happens when the loss is sudden and unexpected. Traumatic grief is common for those whose loved ones died from accidents, violent incidents, and suicide. It may lead to complicated grief, and even post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Professional and clinical interventions may be needed to help process this type of grief.
Collective Grief
This type of grief usually happens when a tragedy occurs and affects a large group of people or a community. Collective grief is common for people who experience major natural disasters and pandemics, like the COVID-19 outbreak.
As painful and unfortunate as it is, grief is something we all go through at some point in our lives. There are many resources and tools both physical and online that are available to help you cope with grief. There are also support groups you could join. Here are some support groups online:
- Grief support for people in their 20s & 30s who have lost a parent
- Christian-based online & offline support group
- Grief support group for bereaved parents by theAsianparent PH
If you think you are experiencing grief that is too difficult to handle even with the tools available to you, and if you think you or anyone you know needs professional help, you may refer to our recommended grief coaches below:
https://www.facebook.com/TheWellnestPH